Recently, I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself. Since my Heart Failure in January, I am trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. At least for the next couple of years. I keep trying to figure out what I can do to support myself financially, that I am good at and have an interest in. For the past couple of years, I have been pondering my various skills and interests to plan for my future when I am no longer able to be a chef. But circumstances have pushed that up by many years now.
I have so many interests and am good at a lot of things. I cook, I create, I write, I garden, I craft. I love paperwork, of all things. I have been rolling around the idea of bookkeeping for years now. I want to try and get classes in as soon as I can afford them or get some financial assistance, maybe a grant or something. Or I'd like to use my culinary skills and sell items through a website. Where I live is fast becoming a wedding destination and hand made food gift items are picking up. I could even ship for people getting married in other areas.
With all of these ideas, I get so excited and even mock up website ideas or menus. But, then I loose my drive. I become insecure and afraid to proceed for fear of failing. I think a lot of that follows me from my childhood. My father, may he rest in peace, was an alcoholic. He never encouraged us to do anything but get a job when we were old enough and get out of the house. I want to let you know though, before he passed away, he quit drinking and was a very encouraging father. But we were all grown up by then. And some scars are still there.
I think I will get a business plan of some sort together and set up a meeting with a local restaurateur whom I worked for for many years. He is a very shrewd businessman and I value his opinion on the economics of our area. But I am intimidated by him also. I do not want him to think I am stupid.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
My Mother's Heart Is Mad At Her - Again!
My Mom is in the hospital today. She has to have a pacemaker put in. Actually, she is in surgery as I write this. My Mom had Heart Failure six years ago. We tease each other about being on some of the same medications. I had Congestive Heart Failure in December of '06 and again in January of this year. My Dad always said I was just like my Mother. Except he was trying to make it an insult. Little did he know when he was trying to insult me, he was actually complementing me.
My Mom was in the store getting groceries when she felt funny tingling in her left arm and she felt dizzy. She was smart and asked for medical assistance and not blow it off and drive home and ignore it. Her heart rate was only at 30 beats per minute. That is way too low!! The doctor said that the electrical impulses in the top chamber of her heart short circuited and the impulse was coming from the bottom of her heart. But it was not strong enough to keep up. Hence, the necessity for the pacemaker.
I live away from my family and having to deal with health issues from long distance is not fun. I have placed many long distance calls these past two days. I would have gone home and given my support in person if I was not financially strapped right now. I'm not sure what I would have done if it was more serious. My sisters would have probably had to Express me some money. My heart condition has put me out of the work force full time right now. I am a professional chef and I am no longer able to handle the demands, or the heat, of the job.
Joyous news!!! My sister just called and my Mom came through the surgery with no complications!! The doctor said her pacemaker will keep her heart rate above 60 beats per minute. We all figure she will have so much more energy now. And maybe her memory and concentration will improve. She had been showing early signs of dementia, but maybe this was the problem. Time will tell.
My Mom was in the store getting groceries when she felt funny tingling in her left arm and she felt dizzy. She was smart and asked for medical assistance and not blow it off and drive home and ignore it. Her heart rate was only at 30 beats per minute. That is way too low!! The doctor said that the electrical impulses in the top chamber of her heart short circuited and the impulse was coming from the bottom of her heart. But it was not strong enough to keep up. Hence, the necessity for the pacemaker.
I live away from my family and having to deal with health issues from long distance is not fun. I have placed many long distance calls these past two days. I would have gone home and given my support in person if I was not financially strapped right now. I'm not sure what I would have done if it was more serious. My sisters would have probably had to Express me some money. My heart condition has put me out of the work force full time right now. I am a professional chef and I am no longer able to handle the demands, or the heat, of the job.
Joyous news!!! My sister just called and my Mom came through the surgery with no complications!! The doctor said her pacemaker will keep her heart rate above 60 beats per minute. We all figure she will have so much more energy now. And maybe her memory and concentration will improve. She had been showing early signs of dementia, but maybe this was the problem. Time will tell.
I'm Still Alive
I haven't been paying much attention to this site for awhile. Evident by the last time I even wrote anything for it. I wonder if what I have to say is interesting to others and should I be writing a blog?? Then I think, this is for me and is a journal of my thoughts and emotions. I always tell people that getting your emotions out is good and to not keep them bottled up. But I do hope someone will get some insight from my ramblings. :-)
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