Saturday, August 18, 2018

In Memorium

~~Little post I found in the draft section from about 10 months ago, figured it needed posting.~~~

Time seems to fly by some days.  Other days it just drones on like a bad movie running on every TV channel.  Looking back at some of my posts, I have enthusiasm for life and other times I loose it.  At least my last post is not a year old yet.

This past year has had its ups and downs for me.  I have loved and lost and loved and never attained.  I have moved back to my home state and drudged through all the misery involved in moving. I finally got to get chickens and have a real garden in the ground instead of container gardening.

I fight with depression on a daily basis and get through it one day at a time.  I always hope tomorrow will be better.  I still battle with my body.  After the weightloss surgery, I feel so much better, however the excess skin that will never shrink haunts me every day.  I sometimes wish I never had the surgery, because when I was heavy, I wasn't so self conscious of my body. I am still hiding behind baggy T-shirts. I'm not fat, I'm not skinny, I just feel like a blob.


Fluffy Butt Brigade

~~~" I love having my little flock of chickens.  I have dubbed them the "Fluffy Butt Brigade". 

I am so excited that my hens have started laying eggs finally.  Last week, I found one egg in the box and could not believe my eyes!  After all these months of checking each day, and there one was!  I was surprised they started laying in a cold month and when the days were short.

I checked the next day when I fed in the morning, but nothing was there.  The next day I waited to check in the afternoon, and there were two more.  After taking care of these girls for all these months, it was thrilling to finally see eggs.  One egg was light brown and the other was dark brown like the one I got the first day.  The forth day I had more eggs and one of them was blue.  So I have three of my hens laying now.

In the beginning, I thought I had six girls and my roo.  Ended up, two of the girls turned out to be boys.  I gave one beautiful rooster to a friend of mine and kept the little banny boy in the flock.  My roo, Rocky, is not too happy having to share his girls, so I will get my banny roo, Honey, his own little flock of banny girls this spring."~~~

I came back to my blog and found this draft of one of the last things I was going to post.  Reading  this and the one I had posted New Life on the Homestead, I love reliving the excitement I felt when I got my first flock of chickens.  Now, it has become a quirky obsession.

Unfortunately, the flock I was referencing above no longer exists.  The only one that is left is Mildred.  She is the one that gives me the blue egg.  She survived all the hawk attacks, that eventually took each of her friends.  But never fear, I have learned and I have expanded the flock.  I now have 42 +/- birds.  My favorites are the little Seramas and the Bantam Cochin chicken. But I love them all so! 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

New Life on the Homestead

Well, again it has been a long time since I last posted.  Reading my last post brought up alot of memories and tears to my eyes.  Glad I had a box of tissues handy.  Much has changed in the year and a half since my last post.  I am now single and have moved back to my home state of Virginia.  I mourn the passing of the love of my life and best friend.  Even though we had parted in our relationship, we had become the best of friends afterwards.  I miss him greatly.

On a happier note, I am living on a nice little plot of land where I had a wonderful garden this past summer.  There is a heavenly grove of trees in the front yard and half of the property is wooded for those nice walks amongst the trees.  I wake alot of mornings to deer in the grove and all day squirrels are racing from tree to tree.  Here and there are a few bunny rabbits, but they mostly keep to the hedges at the front of the property.

My garden this summer was amazing, even thought I got it started a little late.  We moved to this property in June and by then most of the planting should have been done.  I had loving kept my little seedlings alive and thriving in the temporary living arrangement I was in until I got here and was able to place them in the ground.  Even late, the seedlings took off like crazy.  I had more tomatoes than I could eat or give away.   I grew patty pan squash this year and the plants were so gigantic, reminded me of the gardens from my childhood.  In North Carolina, I could never grow squash because of the humidity.  By the time the plants started to take off, powdery mildew set in and they all died.  I had handfuls of pickling cucumbers and had so many, I was able to make a few jars of old fashioned pickles and bread 'n butter pickles.  This was my first adventure in canning anything on my own.  They turned out quite yummy!

And I finally have my little flock of chickens!  I have six little hens and a young rooster.   The hens will not start laying eggs for a few months yet.  Everyone has a name and everyone gets along well.  I take them out of their pen twice a day, morning and evening, for some free ranging time.  I keep a watchful eye on them because there are hawks in the area.   With the trees as cover they are safe most of the time, but a power line runs through the property and if they get in the clearing, the hawks start to circle.  My young roo is getting smart and brings the girls to the garden and they hide under the tomato plants that are still there. Still, with the hawks around, I will always have to watch them during free range time.  I don't mind, because they are amusing to watch and make me smile.  They scratch and back up and see what they have uncovered and their fluffy butts are funny to see running across the yard trying to catch a bug.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Trapped In A Fat Suit

Well, it seems to have been awhile since I have posted anything on my blogs.  Having just come through a very difficult time in my life, I can now look back and see the amount of pain and misery I was in.  Depression sneaks up on you and engulfs your life without you even knowing it. 

I can say this now, looking back.  But I was definitely depressed, and in denial of it.  First, lets start with the heart condition.  Cardiomiopathy of the heart, where my heart only works at 25-30% of its capacity.  This made any kind of physical activity extremely difficult, from grocery shopping to trying to do some gardening around the house.  I was even too tired to keep my house tidy.  Every day I took a 3-4 hour nap.  I felt trapped.

Lets talk now about being trapped.  Because of the heart problem, I put on weight and was not able to loose any of it.  I could not stay active long enough to burn it off.  My meals I had reduced to eating off the smallest dinner plate I had, referred to as the bread & butter plate.  I ate lean chicken and pork, avoided most carbs and ate very little bread.  I ate alot of salad with a little ranch dressing cut with apple cider vinegar.  (Try it, its good)  That's okay, because I love salad.  Calories were between 800 and 1200 a day, and still not loosing any weight.  I was being smothered by a fat suit that I could not get rid of.  I was trapped!  This extra weight made me a little self conscience and therefore I avoided the majority of public activities.

People can be very judgmental just looking at someone and not knowing the facts.  I have even been guilty of this in the past.  They see a large fat person parking in a handicapped parking space and automatically they think, "if they quit eating so much, they wouldn't be so fat".  Not realizing, in my situation, my bad heart created the extra weight, not food.  But they cannot see that I have a bad heart, I do not wear a sign announcing my heath problem.  People with all kinds of "hidden" painful health conditions do not wear signs either. 

So, the past few years, I have been trapped in a body I hated.  Suffocated by a fat suit that had created a mean, hateful, depressed, miserable human being who just pushed people away.  I had no joy in my heart, and the light of my soul was dim.  I could have benefited from some help.  And I am not talking about help in a prescription pill form.  I personally think prescriptions cause more problems than the correct.  Maybe having an educated person to talk to, who can spot the signs of depression, would have brought me through that dark time a little easier.  I almost lost everything that was important to me in the whole world.  My sanity, and the love of my life.

My only answer to the weight issue was weight loss surgery.  I had researched the types of surgeries there were for almost four years, trying to decide which one would be right for me.  I had my heart issue to consider and the long term effects of the surgical results.  There are four common types of weight loss surgery.  The Roux-en Y  (commonly called Gastric Bypass), Sleeve Gastrectomy, Adjustable Gastric Band, and the Biliopancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch. weightloss info  Weight loss surgery is a tool, not a miracle cure.  You have to follow the plan of eating properly and getting regular exercise. 

So now that I have shed over 100 pounds of that awful fat suit that had me trapped, I have become a much happier person.  The light has returned to my soul and I no longer push people away.  I still have about 50 pounds to go to my goal weight, but I have determination to achieve it.   With a slight adjustment to my heart medications, I am now a much more active person.  I can get outside and get my hands in the soil and grow my vegetables again.  I can take care of my yard and keep the inside of my house neat and tidy.  I no longer need a daily nap.  I feel so much better mentally.   But I do realize now, that I was almost consumed by depression. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Starting Older Seeds

You can see the tiny root sprouts
If you don't grow a full size garden, you usually end up with a good supply of seeds from year to year.  I purchase seeds instead of plants because I like to find rare and heirloom vegetables and the local garden centers only carry the "average" garden variety of plants.  One thing I like to do to see if they will grow before committing them to a peat pot is getting them to germinate first.

In order to do this, you will need a plastic container with a flat type bottom, similar to what you may place a sandwich in.  Place a folded damp paper towel in the bottom of the container and space your seeds in the bottom.  Dampen another folded paper towel and place on top of the seeds.  Place the lid on it and place in a warm location, like on your entertainment equipment, a coffee maker that has a continually heated water reserve, or on top of your refrigerator.  You need a warm location because you are trying to create a warm humid environment within the container to encourage the seeds to germinate.  If you germinate more than one type of seed this way, be sure to label the tops of the containers.  Check them after 2 days to see if there is any change in the seed.  Be sure to keep the paper towels damp but not soaked. Check the containers daily.

Once your seeds begin to sprout a little root, place them in prepared peat pots.  Gently remove the seed from the plastic container and drop in a peat pot filled 2/3 full of good quality potting soil or seed starter.  Be very careful not to damage the tiny sprout, or you will have to discard the seed.  Top with a half inch more soil, gently patting down.  Place your peat pots on a tray and add a little water to the tray so the peat pots can soak up the water from the bottom. Place in a warm, sunny location until time to transfer outside.

Making My Own Laundry Soap

Ingredients

Like many of us, I want to get the best value for my money with the items I need to purchase for my home.  Plus I want to know what is in them.  Same goes for my laundry soap.  Knowing that when I purchase liquid laundry detergent, I am paying for mostly water does not make me happy.  I have water.  Comes right out of the faucet in the kitchen.  So I looked around to see what homemade laundry soap recipes there were out there.  Most seemed to be the same ingredients, just a little different in the amount of each item added.  I experimented some and came up with what worked for me.  The ingredients are basically the same, just made it easier for myself to use whole boxes or containers of product instead of cups, like most of the recipes call for.

Homemade Laundry Soap

1 box (76 oz) 20 Mule Team Borax
1 box (55 oz) Washing Soda
2 box (16 oz ea) Baking Soda
2 tubs (16 oz ea) oxy boost
6 bars (grated) laundry soap (ie Fels-Napths, Zote or Colgate)

Grate the bars of laundry soap using a hand held grater or your food processor.  Put all the ingredients in something large enough to mix well and then transfer to a storage container.  Use 1/4 cup for each load of laundry.  From everything I have read, this can be used in a high efficiency washer, but check with the manufacturer if you are unsure.~

I live in an area where the ground water is not the best quality, being surrounded by swamp, sound and ocean water.  My towels were like sandpaper on my skin, even using fabric softener.  Using this homemade laundry soap, they are fluffier then ever and so soft.  I even quit using liquid fabric softener and only use dryer sheets and things are still softer and smell so much better.  In general, everything comes out cleaner than ever.

This lasted me 4 months.  I was only washing for myself, but I wash the animal blankets and pet beds once a week, in addition to washing the entire bed linens once a week also.  To make this, the ingredients cost me about $17, but this is going to depend on where you live and what stores you have available.  Where I live the cost of living is rather high, because the area is considered a vacation destination.  And the variety of stores is limited, in addition to the selection within the stores are limited.  I have to go to four different stores to get everything I need. 

I hope this works for you and your clothes come out as clean as mine.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Spring Is Here

Well, Spring is finally here.  And it's time to get the garden tools out again.  It is such an exciting time of year, the birth of new seeds and the beginning of regrowth from the established vegetation.  Time to pull the winter weeds and till up the garden plots to get ready for new plants. 

Soon, I will have to make final decisions what vegetables I want to set out this year.  I am already developing ideas for new small vegetable garden beds.  I am successful with small raised beds instead of one large plowed garden area.  Because of my health, such a traditional garden would overwhelm me and I may loose interest.  With the small beds, I can successfully take care of one at a time and feel successful.

I have reset my strawberries from a place I had them on the ground to a long planter set on the railing on the back porch.  This way, they can grow and the berries will hang over the planters and are easily accessible from the kitchen by way of the back door.  I got this inspiration from a picture of a strawberry farm where they had the plants in what appeared to be rain gutter in very long lengths, held up by polls and 3 rows up. 

I have also put out some cool weather greens; spinach, mesculin and kale.  Here in coastal North Carolina, these greens wilt like a delicate southern belle in the hot humid days.  I want to try my hand a brussel sprouts this year.  I remember them from my childhood and long rows in the family garden.  Frozen ones are not as enticing as fresh grown from your own garden. 

So time to get my garden journal out and look over last years successes and missteps, and plan for this years bountiful harvest.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Full Moons of August-2012

Well August is upon us.  And this year the month of August will bring us not one, but two full moons.

The first full moon this month is August 1 and is referred to as the Sturgeon Moon.  This comes from the Algonquian Indians who lived around the Great Lakes of North America and is the basis for the Farmers Almanac moon names.  During this full moon, the sturgeon of the lakes were more easily caught.  Other names for the full moon of August are:
  • Wyrt Moon - Wiccan
  • Lightening Moon - Pagan
  • Grain Moon - English
  • Dog Moon - Colonial American
  • Dispute Moon - Celtic
  • Fruit Moon - Cherokee
  • Women's Moon - Choctaw
  • Green Corn Moon
  • Red Moon - because of the reddish hue it has sometimes
The energies associated with the August full moon are ones of abundance, agriculture and marriage.  This is the time to begin collecting and harvesting herbs and storing them for the year to come.  This is the time to do any magic to help yourself in accomplishing goals and enjoying the benefits of your hard work. This is also a time to help others who have given their permission to do so.

The second full moon of the month is on August 31.  Most people believe the meaning of a Blue Moon is the second full moon within a month, which happens, on average, every 2.7 years.  The historically correct meaning of a Blue Moon is, the third full moon of four occurring within a season.  With July, August and September being the season of the Summer Solstice, the second full moon in August should meet that definition.  People like to use the phrase "once in a blue moon" to refer to something that does not happen very often.

 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Winter Squash Adventure

 This year in my garden, I decided to plant some winter squashes.  I love squash of all kinds.  I tried growing Acorn squash a few years ago, but grew them in a container and never got anything from the plant.

This year, I decided to again try my hand at some winter squash.  While searching for just the right addition to my limited garden space, my mouth kept watering at all the wonderful prospects.  Acorn, Buttercup, Spaghetti, Turk's turban, Delicata: Hubbard, Candy Rooster, the list goes on and on.  I could even smell them baking, with a touch of cinnamon, nutmeg and a pinch of brown sugar.  O yummy squash soup.  Ummmm!  Okay, back to reality.  So, I settled on two, Queensland Blue (Cucurbita pepo) and Lakota (Cucurbita maxima).  Both are heirloom varieties.  (I am a big advocate for heirloom vegetables)

The Queensland Blue was developed in Australia and brought to the United States in 1932.  It is a light grayish-blue color, slightly flattened and ribbed and usually weight around 8 lbs.  It has a mild tasting orange flesh and stores up to 6 months.

The  Lakota can trace its ancestry back to the Lakota Sioux tribes from North & South Dakota.  They can be a tear drop shape or round, and range in color from orange to being mottled with green stripes from the bottom.  The flesh is fine grained and has a sweet, nutty flavor.  Fruits weight between 5 to 11 lbs. Prolific producer and stores well.  I have read nothing but good things about this squash and cannot wait until mine are here.

In my winter squash planting venture this year, I learned something about the plants that I never knew before.  To the right are two photos of my Queensland Blue plants.  Beautiful, right?!  Anyway, every time I looked at them, I wondered how the leaves at the end of the long trailing vines could look so much better than the spot where I originally put them in the ground.  After all, the water and nutrients had to get all the way to the end.  Nooo.  I found this out when I moved a vine out of the grass and back in the boundaries of the garden area.  At the joints of the plant, where the flower and the little "curlies" reach out to hold on, from the bottom side, a root will grow down into the soil and then micro roots will shoot off it once it is below the surface of the soil.  You can see them in the bottom picture if you look past the curly.  Nature amazes me every day.  So, if you are new to this like I was, be sure your squash vines are going where you want them, or you could damage them if you try to move them at a later time. 



Sunday, July 15, 2012

Ignorance Is Bliss

The problem with that phrase is, it's true.  If you don't know, you can't worry.  If you don't know,you wouldn't know when you messed up.  If you don't know, you can sleep at night.

Through necessity , due to my heart condition, I have had to make adjustments in my diet.  Not that I really ate that badly before.  I ate fried foods maybe twice a month, sweets were not on the top of my food list, and my portions were not extra large.  I love fresh vegetables and fresh meats.  As a professional Chef, I create a lot of my meals from scratch.  I did need to begin concentrating on my sodium and fat levels and watching "cheating" with prepackaged foods when time was short.   So, I begin to read labels and research ingredients in food.  It is mind boggling the amount of artificial ingredients there are in prepackaged foods.  You have to watch what a label says on the front as well as the back.  Something that says "low fat" may be loaded with extra sugar or sodium.  Something that says "low sodium",  may have excess fats.  Why?  Because the food manufacturers replace what they have taken out, with something else that would be satisfying to the palette.

Another huge concern is what is fed and injected into beef and milk products.  At this point, I still need to do a lot more reading and research before I get too much into detail.  But preliminary findings have scared the hell out of me!  Growth hormones are fed to cattle to increase the size and shorten the time needed before going to market. Some milk cows are given a different growth hormone to increase their milk production.  Residues of these hormones may or may not follow that meat or milk into the grocer's case, and therefore, into my own body as I consume it. 

When it comes to other meats: chicken, pork...., they are inundated with antibiotics, .  The demand for larger, leaner meats in a shorter production time has made it acceptable in the meat industry for these additives to be used.  Antibiotics not only keep an animal healthy, but some can increase the growth rate in younger animals.  I see no problem with animals being inoculated when young to keep them healthy, but there is no reason to continue just to have them gain weight faster.  Oh wait...yes there is.  It's that extra money the big corporations need so the company executives can buy another house or fancy car.

I wish I had an acre or two of land to call my own.  I could raise my own food.

Tiny Orbs of Yumm-e!

In my desire to find different varieties of tomatoes, I came across a packet of a mixed variety of cherry tomatoes in my local hardware store.  Boy did that bring out the little kid in me!  I flash forwarded to a summer of beautiful tomato plants full of tiny orbs to fill my salad bowl. That is if they even make it into the house.  I have a habit of just popping them in my mouth right off the vine.  Last year I grew Yellow Pear tomatoes and would recommend them to anyone who likes tomatoes.  The grew like crazy and just three plants kept me happy all summer. 

Now this new pack of seeds contained seven varieties of cherry tomatoes and they were color coded so you knew which seed was from each variety.  The variates were Sundrop, Gold Nugget, Brown Cherry, Sweetie, Green Grape, Super Snow White, and Bicolor Cherry.

I started my little lovelies indoors, right on my desk where I could look at them each day.  I used an egg carton and used the shells as the "pots".  Growth was excellent and I put them outside in a sheltered place to "harden" them.  Unfortunately,  they got wind burned and I lost half of them.  The varieties that survived were Snow White, Gold Nugget and the Brown Cherry.  They are all delicious.  I also grew the Yellow Pear again this year and they have not let me down.  It is nice to be able to add sliced tomatoes to a meal right out of my own garden. 












Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Five Minutes At A Time

With a heart condition that limits my physical abilities and stamina, I have had to come up with a system to get things done that I need to do.  I have always been active, carrying on projects both inside and outside the house.  I love to be outside and work in the yard.  I have little vegetable gardens around the house, instead of flowers.  I love flowers also, but the vegetables taste better.  Anyway, in order to keep up with the work and be active, I take on projects five minutes at a time.  Work five minutes, and rest.  Catch my breath, let my heart quit working so hard, and five more minutes.  Every day is different.  Sometimes I can go a little more than others.  But I get things done, it just takes a little more time than normal.


My concept behind many small vegetable beds, instead of one big garden is simple.  I can manage the small ones, without feeling overwhelmed.  Trying to do one big garden would leave me feeling unsuccessful, and I would give up on it.  Each one I finish is an accomplishment, and I can move on to the next.  Get one done a day, so to say.

I love to mow the yard, and thank goodness for my little riding lawn mower!    It takes about 45 minutes to mow, going at a nice steady pace.  I like to take this time to reflect, think, or just appreciate the beauty of Mother Nature.  Or all three!  I have this really cool hat that my boyfriend's mom gave me, and I have added some embellishments to it. Flowers from here and there, and a ribbon around the brim.   This is my mowing hat.  Sometimes I wear it just working in the yard,  It makes me feel eccentric. 

I use this concept inside the house also.  With cleaning, I pick a room at a time or a project.  For example, if I wanted to wash the windows, I do one or two and rest if I have to.  Five minutes at a time.

I find making a list helps me also.  If I put six items on a list, and have four checks, I feel very satisfied.  This helps me keep things going.  Helps me get things done. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Flower Moon - May Full Moon


Last night was May's full moon, know as the Flower Moon in Native American lore.  It is the time much of the earth is bursting forth with flowers, encouraged by the warming temperatures and ample rains.  It is also referred to the Corn Planting Moon, as the name indicates, because it is time to plant the corn.  Get your hands into the soil and plant your flowers or gardens.  It is a time of fertility and passion, and has been referred to as the Hare Moon also.  Guess this is the time the little guys are the busiest.  No matter what you call it, there is nothing as beautiful as a full moon majestically hanging in the sky, drawing you towards it with its energy..  Next full moon, get out and just take a nice long look.  Appreciate the glory and energy it has to offer.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Where Have All The Manners Gone???!!!

Today was the annual St Patrick's Day parade for our area.  A nice little affair, that in the minds of us locals, heralds the beginning of Spring.  Even if it is only 40 degrees and raining.  Locals from all over converge on the Beach Road ready for the festivities to begin. Alot of people arrive an hour in advance to get a good seat and a view of all that passes by. 

Here is where my problem begins.  At least today.  I have a hard time believing the audacity and rudeness of people that arrive late to an event and push their way in and stand in front of others.  All without even saying excuse me, is this spot taken, nothing!!  They just push right in.  Today was a good example of this.  I found a good spot to park, making sure to ask the landowners permission to park where I was, and set ourselves up right at the edge of the road.  I put out my chair and the hatch was up on the back of the Jeep.  My boyfriend and his mom wanted to stand and the dog was behaving well.  A lady set her elderly parents up on the down side of the wind, using my Jeep as a wind block.  They got all set with their chairs and blankets and were enjoying the view.  That is until the rude people started to arrive,  First it was a man and woman that were late and just came up and stood in front of everyone.  I couldn't see what was coming up the parade route, until it got right in front of me. They finally moved off, but was replaced with a group of woman and their misbehaving brood tagging along.  They also just stepped in front of the elderly couple and the little old lady had to stand to see.  I swear, they had to be close to 90 years old.

I said to my boyfriend how sad it was that lady had to stand to see because of people standing in front of her, loud enough for them to hear.  One of them turned around and looked, but it didn't register in her brain they were in the way.  Now some people would say that I am rude for speaking up the way I do.  I don't agree.  My mother taught me manners growing up and I remember to use them.  I say please and thank you, respect my elders, will hold a door for someone and appreciate someone holding a door for me.  I play fair, make sure I ask permission to use someone else's things, and avoid making rude noises or smells in public.  Mother said that is what the bathroom is for.  I say something about rude people because I am sick of being walked on, and just letting it go.  Too much rudeness is taking over the world.

Anyway, I just have a HUGE problem with people that have bad manners.  I guess they were never taught.  But there is still no accounting for bad manners or rudeness.  So if you read this and have children, please teach them manners.  If you were never taught yourself, take an etiquette class and share the lessons.

This whole world could use a little more "please" and "thank you"!  Have a great day!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Spring Is In The Air

Spring is in the air this week.  The temperatures have been in high 40's and low 50's with lots of sunshine.  I have been doing little bits of yard work at a time, so it does not have to be done all at once.  This week, I hooked up the yard sweeper to the lawnmower and got up all the gumballs that were in the yard.  The gumballs are the miserable things that fall out of a Chinese Oak tree.  I think that's the correct name.  Anyway, thank goodness for the yard sweeper.  Best investment I have made next to the tractor.  I just can't get out there and rake a yard anymore, and I can't stand to see all the mess in the yard either.  That's my dad coming out in me.  I did alot of raking as a kid, and I guess that nice tidy yard has followed me into adulthood.

I pulled some vines and dead tomato plants from around the porch.  Only about five minutes of work at a time, but accomplishing some headway in the yard none the less.  I did that once the past three days.  It gets me outside and a little exercise at the same time.  It is still irritating that I don't have the physical stamina that I once did.  Even these simple tasks drained me on energy.  But like I said, I keep trying. 

The planting bug has bitten me.  I got a few peat pots I had left over from last year and put some squash seeds in them.  I have set them in the back bedroom that I use for storage and hope they will be big and strong when it is time to put them outside.  I need to decide what heirloom tomatoes I want to try and grow this year.  I still have some leftover seeds from a few years ago that should germinate.  I love tomatoes and the heirloom varieties are so interesting.  There is a region and story behind each one.  Much more interesting then coming from the grocery store shelf.  And I grew them with my own hands!  That's the best part! 

Gee, I can't wait for Spring!  :-)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Finding A Long Lost Friend

It is amazing how you can reconnect with an old friend who you have not seen, or talked to, for over 25 years.  Time just rolls back like you were in high school again and talk for hours like it was only ten minutes.  Friends like that are so very valuable and hard to come by.

This very thing happened to me last night, as again, I am up late at night and on the internet and watching TV at the same time.  My sleep patterns are definitely not like those of other people.  I guess they really never have been.  But back to my friend.  I was going through my emails and deleting spam or old stuff and he IMed me.  How cool was that!  He lives all the way up the coast in the Boston area.  It still amazes me sometimes, the ability to have a conversation with someone just like they were right beside you, and actually 800 miles away. We ended up talking on the phone for almost two hours and took me back to my junior high and high school years when we would laugh and have great fun in the halls of school.  Too bad we lost touch after graduating high school.  He went off to college and I went to work.  Then, I moved over 350 miles from home.  Ironically, he had moved further away from home than I had, and in the other direction.

There was nothing better for my well being than this conversation with a long lost friend.  I slept well, without any distracting dreams, after this connection.  Even if it is only long distance, now that I have found a lost friend, I plan to keep in touch.  Now, on to the search for another lost friend!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Just Bideing My Time

I have come to my own conclusion that sometimes two people's energies are bad for each other.  Example being, my boyfriend and I.  When I am away from him, I miss him, like to talk to him on the phone, tell him I love him, and can't wait to see him again.  And then went we are together, I can't wait to be away from him!  I personally believe our electrical currents bring out the bad static in each other. 

Case in point, recently he was away from the house for a week visiting relatives up north.  I had a great week while he was gone.  I cleaned the house and it stayed clean,  I enjoyed my food.  I was relaxed and at peace.  And I even dropped a few pounds that week.  I actually missed him a little during that time too.  But when he came home, everything went right back to the way it had been.  Messy house, not wanting to cook, not feeling good, and well, just sick of having him around.  I am sick of picking up after him, he never wants to try interesting food, and his drinking and drug habits are just too much for me.  And when I try to bring these to light, all he does is roll everything back on me.  So I give up!  It's not worth my energy arguing with him because he does not think he does anything wrong.  So I just bide my time until I can move away. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Stuck Between A "Rock" And A Beer Bottle

I feel like feeling sorry for myself right now.  I seriously wonder why my life has ended up the mess I feel it is.  For all the dreams I had for myself growing up, nothing really has turned out as I planned.  Of course, I dreamed of the "white picket fence" life.  And the perfect job life.  Where is it??  I did have a job I loved, but due to my health, I have had to let my career as a Chef go.  Big sad face!!

So now all I have now is an empty life.  I have had great difficulty trying to get myself to figure out my next step in life.  I would like to move from the area I am in now back towards the mountains I grew up in.  But I am stuck!!!  And I hate it!!!  I am tired of living in this trailer.  Mind you, it is not a trashy place, it is a newer and nice trailer.  But it is not mine and therefore, cannot change carpet or wall color, build on, or upgrade anything.  I watch HGTV alot and get sick of seeing all these young couples looking at houses and buying their first homes.  My boyfriend has no desire to own anything of his own.  He has no desire at all.  That is another imperfection in my life. 

I often wonder why I am not a stronger person when it comes to my personal relationships.  I have been with this man for over 10 years and most of them have been miserable!  Why am I still here, you ask?  I have no clue.  Other than I always hope one day things will get better.  But it's not going to happen, because he does not want to change.  Why should he change?  Because he is the one with the addictions.  He is an alcoholic, chain smoker and also addicted to a drug I just refer to as evil.  And it is not marijuana.  I have my issues too, don't get me wrong.  I can be bitchy, I use food as a crutch and I do have health issues that people in my age group are not used to dealing with.

My life used to be on track, sort of.  I had a job I loved, made good money, and even had some of the money in the bank.  I was building up my credit score and my bills were all paid.  Gee, how quickly things can change.  But I guess I only have myself to blame for the position I am in now.  Because I was not strong enough to tell him to get out years ago.  We did break up once for about a month, a little over three years ago, but patched things up.  However, this was before my heart condition, which left me with alot of time on my hands to think about things.  And let me realize what a deadbeat my boyfriend really is.  Because I had to ask him to do or help me with some things needing done around the house, I realized he does not want to do anything more than what he wants to do.  And that is not much!!!

I have told him I am not happy in the relationship, but he just doesn't seem to hear.  I told him one night after he came home from buying that evil crap, that when I leave him, he will know why.  His response was, "if you were leaving, you would have been gone". Not true!  I am stuck!!  I have no savings anymore, and only survive on the amount I get from disability.  Again, I have arrived back at the point of where I need to decide what I want to do with my life to make money, so I can get some money saved and move!  Wish me luck!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Decisions, Decisions

I need to think outside of the box.  I have been driving myself crazy trying to figure out what to do with my life to make a living.  I keep asking myself why I can't think of anything.  I want to put my creativity to use.  Money earning use.  This is where thinking outside of the box comes into play.  Just because I would not buy something because I can make it myself, does not mean everyone feels that way.  As my other sister once said, not everyone is "crafty".  My dream is to think of a nitch that people with disposable income will be interested in purchasing on a regular basis. 

I was talking to my sister today and we are both in the same boat.  She is creative also and is having a hard time with depending on conventional work.  We both decided it was our own insecurities that was holding us back.  To explain this, we were not given any encouragement growing up to go for out dreams.  Now it is time for us to break out of that rut and become successful women.

Alot of what is holding us back, second to the confidence, is money.  It takes money to purchase materials to create products to sell online.  And neither one of us want to make shabby products.  So we need to get a small list of products developed and out there, then once there are some sales we can take that money and reinvest in more products and expanding mediums.  Wish us luck!

Friday, January 15, 2010

It's Cold Here

I moved to the coastal area of North Carolina about 12 years ago now, searching for warm and sunny, lazy beach days. I lived in the northern part for Virginia in the mountains, where in the winter, it got cold. Well the cold is creeping southward. For the past three weeks, we have been experiencing lower than normal frigid temperatures. They have ranged anywhere from 25 to 38 degrees on average.

Venturing out on a windy day late last week, I came home with some interesting pictures of ice forming over the causeway leading from the barrier island to the little island I live on.

This is a photo of ice formations on the grass along the waters edge of the causeway.



This is a shot of the rocks lining the road that are covered with ice.



I thought it was so interesting that the water froze in a miniature of wave action.


Today was one of the first warm days since the temperature drop.  I think it got all the way up to 48 degrees.  Tomorrow will be warm also and then its back to scarves and gloves again. :-)