Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Life Today

I have been having a very hard time getting any good rest at night lately. Actually it seems to be the norm. When I lay down for the night, even though my body is tired, my mind will not shut itself off. Thoughts continue to just tumble over themselves and fight for attention in a space that is trying to shut down. And my back keeps acting up and having spasms. Sometimes it will wake me up as I sleep.

I want to be doing so much right now. Work with crafts, write, take pictures, work on organizing my recipes, the list goes on. Plus, I need to figure out what to do with my life. I have to make some kind of life for myself now that I am unable to do so much of the physical things I used to do. At the age of 45, I do not want to live on Disability for the rest of my life. With this hanging over my head, I feel like I am on some kind of deadline. I think about it everyday.

The problem with my back seems to nag at me all the time. Today for some reason, it felt pretty good though. I could actually bend down to put cat food in the cat's bowl today. Usually, I have to bend at the knees because of the pain, and hold on to the table in case it spasms so I don't fall down. I am hoping it is not a degenerative problem, cause I cannot afford to go to the doctor to have it looked at. I'm hoping it will just go away. But pain is a way of life for me. If it isn't the back, it's the knee the horse fell on 25 odd years ago. Or my arthritis acting up. Or my muscles hurting. Or almost anything else my body wants to throw at me. But I get through each day as best I can.

And I think, no one wants to read an account of my daily routine or thoughts. And I have to remind myself, that is not why I started this blog in the first place. I started it to hone my writing skills and get my mind active. And I started the food blog to keep myself in the culinary world. And I started the photography blog to practice with my camera and see what I can do with it.

Life goes on and I have to go with it.